Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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