ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
