omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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