i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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