i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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