I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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