I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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