Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
God I need to hump something, right now.
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