We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
