i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
