peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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