I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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