I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
