you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
