I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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