For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
