how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
