Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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