I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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