There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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