She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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