I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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