when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
