it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
