Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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