i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
