Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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