You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
