apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
