He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
