there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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