We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
