saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
