you traded sex for a burrito?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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