...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
