I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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