a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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