I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
