i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
