His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
