i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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