im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
