is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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