Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
