i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
