So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
