Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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