my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
