come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
