I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
