I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
