i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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