I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
