Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
