i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's blow job season.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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