He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
