Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
