It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
