I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
