Dude my mom stole all your condoms
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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