i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
