I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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