I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
