May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
