with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
