Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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