I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
