Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
