ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
