You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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