so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
