Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
