i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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