Kiss
Puke
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
