Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize