i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My ass is underappreciated
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
