So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
