We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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