he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize